“My anger”
“Her fear”
“Your sadness”
Emotions are one of the most contagious forces on the planet. Fear of Ebola spread faster than Ebola itself. Joy during the Golden State Warriors parade pervaded the crowd. Infectious smile. Enough said.
And so I find it strange that we often will attribute emotions to belong to only one person. To exist solely within the realm of that individual. From my experience, much of my discontent comes from the other person not experiencing the same emotion as me. In other words, I feel bad when emotions AREN’T shared.
Let’s take forgiveness. Somebody told me the other day she doesn’t want to forgive someone because when she hurts, she wants the other person to hurt as well. I think this is the root of human revenge. Not that we wish someone else harm, we just wish someone else to experience what we are experiencing.
Ever been angry when somebody is really happy? I bet it makes you feel more angry.
How about sad when somebody is really happy? “Oh, c’mon, cheer up!” Makes sadness (almost said my sadness) turn into anger for me, and then I feel even more disconnected from the person.
The other day, I had a conversation in which I became very vulnerable and the other person seemed strong, trying to help me “solve” my problem. I felt worse, and only later realized it was because she wasn’t feeling vulnerable as well. I said this to her, asked her a question about something sad she had mentioned earlier, and she opened up. I left the conversation feeling more connected to her than I had in years.
I think emotions are meant to flow from human to human (and maybe to other beings) and that what we want most in life is for others to experience the same emotions that we are experiencing.