When something makes you feel bad—be it sad, embarrassed, ashamed, angry, guilty, etc.—what is your communication strategy? By that I mean, do you tell people the truth about it, hide it, or lie about it?
As I read more and more news articles about the elections and politics in our country it seems that we take one of those three approaches. Be honest. Hide. Or lie. The latter two designed to deflect attention away from the thing that we don’t want to show.
Sure, we show the things we want to show. Perhaps that’s another tactic—redirection and deflection—however, I’d argue that those fall within the tactic of hiding.
I’ve become somewhat sad and disappointed while listening to politicians and the media and my neighbors and frankly myself when a challenging issue calls for discussion and we dance around the topic. We’re afraid to “put the turd on the table,” as an old colleague of mine would say, or to put the “stinky fish” up there as I’ve also heard.
But I’ve noticed that this is not just a thing that those mighty and powerful do, it seems to be a basic tactic employed by many of us. Don’t like your belly? Wear a loose shirt. Don’t like how you look in that photo? Oooo! Filters! Heck, Instagram and Snapchat are worth billions because they help people hide their blemishes through digital makeup. Embarrassed by your dance moves? Stand around the club looking too cool for school, so that people don’t realize you’re just embarrassed and shy.
So yes, we hide a lot. But what about lying?
Well, I think we all know of the exaggerated stories. The fish wasn’t really that big. No, you haven’t slept with that many women. Yeah right you told your boss to shove it. We might feel sad that we caught a puny-looking fish. Or ashamed that we can’t pick up that many women. Or embarrassed that we didn’t have the courage to stand up to our employer. So we embellish. We stretch so that we feel better.
Sometimes we just flat out lie. We deny the truth to others as we deny it to ourselves. The truth hurts too much and we’re not supposed to hurt.
I’ve found the simplest solution is really just to be honest. Yes, it hurts. To me and to others. However, in the long run, it frees. Even in the short run. And it sure makes life a lot simpler.