Transcript
Hello everyone, welcome to another DailyJim. It's Wednesday, March 20th, 2024. Today I want to talk about the gifts we like to give and receive with our close friends and family.
So the impetus for this conversation is that recently I've had a few people tell me that they believe it is morally wrong to ask friends, close friends, and family for money and I think they and maybe other people who have seen me do that in the past think it's morally wrong and also think that I'm unwilling to change my perspective on it and that I just don't listen and that I'm stubborn and I don't understand where they're coming from and maybe a lot of other things and I think I think about it a lot more than people may be aware. So I wanted to talk about that a little bit. So one thing I was thinking of is just, okay, maybe it's the act of giving money specifically. Because if you think about giving or receiving gifts on a birthday or a holiday or some other thing that we celebrate in society, what are the things that we like to give and what are the things we like to receive? And so if I think about myself in receiving a gift, I think the number one thing I would like to receive is something that I actually want, but I don't know that I want. And it's really hard for me to get it. So it could be, for example, um, maybe, so when I was out in Arizona visiting family, there was this one alcohol I tried. I can't remember what it was. Maybe it was an apple cider or something. And it was delicious, but it was from this one tiny place in Arizona. And I don't think they sell it online. So one, it's really hard for me to get it. Cause I don't think even if I knew could remember it I can't find it and two. Like I said, I barely remember that I liked it. But there are other things that I don't even remember that I liked, but other people would notice. And so when somebody gives me one of those things, I can often be elated. Oh, I love this. I feel so grateful. I think second is something that I know that I want, but it's really hard for me to get. So maybe I have a friend coming from Germany or something, something where there's a specific chocolate that I like from Germany and I know I love this chocolate and I'm very aware that I haven't had it in a long time and I know my friend's coming from Germany, I will ask my friend, please, please, please give me. And I feel so grateful that they went out of their way to get it because for them it's easier. Or maybe it's, I want to go backstage with Dave Matthews or I want to have Dave Matthews on the podcast. I may know that I want these these things, but it may be really difficult for me personally to get them. Maybe I don't have the connections. Um, yeah, maybe I don't have the connections. Maybe I don't know anyone who knows him and it just seems like an impossibility.
I think the third thing, honestly, if it's, if it's something that I know that I want, or even if I don't know that I want it, but it's about as easy for me to get it. Um, like, okay, if it's about as easy for me to get get it as the other person, then I probably would still prefer if they got it. So maybe that's the third level. I think the fourth level after that, if it's easier for me to get it, whether I know that I want it or I don't know that I want it, please just give me cash. Because if you give me cash, then I can go get it. It's much easier for me to acquire this thing. It requires less time, money, maybe, maybe have discounts for something.
And it's just much easier for that. And then if you go beyond that, maybe, you know, maybe next is a gift card, but I doubt it because I really don't like conditional cash. Maybe a gift card to a place that I always go to. So I'm always spending money there. So it doesn't matter Or if you give me a 20 gift card for a place where I go and I spend 20 a week or something, then it's fine. Yeah, I know I'm going to spend it. But giving me 20 to a place that I go to once a year? No, that's even lower on the list. Maybe somewhere down the bottom is giving me a gift of something that I know I don't want? Maybe that's the last thing? Something that I know that I don't want? want. Um, so anyways, that's kind of, I think a rudimentary, uh, ranking of it. I think the challenge is in giving. Yeah. I think one, two, maybe three, those are about the same. You know, I want to give the gift that somebody doesn't know that they want and it's much easier for me to get. Um, the second is maybe something that they know that they want, but it's much easier for me to get. For example, I went to East Africa and a friend wanted a book from the U S and it's much much easier to get that book in the US than it is in Kenya. So I bought the book here and the person was very happy.
Or, you know, and I would say the next level is probably the same. You know, if it's about the same, then yeah, go ahead and get the thing for me. If I know that I want it, don't know that I want it, then I think we like to give the thing. I think next though, I think it's different. I think the receiver often wants to receive money because it's much more flexible. I think the giver often feels very uncomfortable giving money depending on the person but I think I imagine many might feel this way, And because giving money sometimes admits, I don't know what you want. And so I think a lot of times in the U. S. people will give a gift card instead. If I don't know what you want, or I can't afford what you want or whatnot, I'm going to give you a gift card to a place that I think you might want. But the problem with gift cards is that they're conditional cash. So I can't get the thing that I really want. I have to go with the thing that, you know, I have to go to this specific place. Maybe you give me a gift card for Delta for a plane flight, but maybe the flight is half the price on a different airline. Now I'm stuck paying double the price on Delta. Why would I pay double the price on Delta? Just give me the cash so I can get the cheaper flight wherever it happens. Or maybe Delta doesn't even fly in the route that I want to go. And so now I'm even more stuck. And so but i think a lot of times in the giving we feel really uncomfortable giving cash because it may say i don't know what you want or i don't know maybe it feels impersonal maybe it feels distant to directly interact with cash with friends and family i don't know so i think there's that discrepancy in that a lot of times I think we would rather receive cash. Again, it's not the top gift that we'd rather receive. I imagine others maybe align similarly to me, but I'm curious if you don't. But I think sometimes maybe on the receiving end, we would like to receive cash more than we would like to give cash because giving it maybe feels more impersonal, maybe feels feels more admitting that we don't know what the other person wants. I'm not really sure.
And so when people come to me and when people disagree with me, it may look like I don't really care what they're saying because I don't do what they're telling me to do. But a lot of times I'm thinking about it so much because I'm trying to understand maybe there are different dynamics underneath this, the perspective that they're bringing, I'm just not hearing. And there was a concept, I think in computer science or engineering or something, it was like strong opinions held loosely. It's something like having strong convictions or opinions but hold them loosely. And I think I do that, I think I do that, where I have very strong opinions on things, but I'm open to changing them. And I'm constantly trying to understand, okay, where are they coming from? How are they seeing this? Maybe I'm seeing it in a different way and trying to navigate those things.
So maybe what I learned from this is that That some people feel really uncomfortable giving money, especially people who feel very close to me. So maybe telling them things that I want that are really hard for me to get on my own. For example, like, hey, connect me to Dave Matthews to do a podcast. Or you have a place for me to stay in this location. I would love to stay at that place.
Or, yeah, I don't know. certain things that are really hard for me to obtain and are much easier for other people maybe that's one avenue maybe another avenue is i don't know some people would say the avenue is just charge people money and make everyone kind of i don't know distant strangers uh that's the model of exchange relationships and i don't know if that works for friends and family but, But maybe that's another conversation.
And yeah, anyway, so I just wanted to reflect on that a little more about this idea that, the gifts we want to give, the ranking of the gifts we want to give may not be the same as the gifts that we want to receive or the types of gifts. And that maybe there's a discrepancy there and maybe that causes a lot of conflict.
Because man, like, okay, the last thing is maybe sometimes gift registries, man, I'm going to go over 10 minutes again, gift registries for a wedding or a baby shower or things like this.
They, maybe an aspect of it is, yes, you could just give us money and we could buy all these things because they're at the same store in the same town where we all live.
Or maybe it's just much easier for a lot of other people to buy them. them. So there's that obtainability aspect of, yes, I could go out and buy the 40 things that are on the list, but it'd be much easier if I split that up and had 40 different people buy them from Amazon.
Or, I don't know, maybe it's because, well, we would rather have cash, but people feel uncomfortable giving cash, so let's make a registry. And if we make a registry, then people can give us things that we actually want, not things that they think we want, want, but we don't want. Because nowadays with so much capitalism and so many products, it's consumerism rather.
We can be quite picky. I know I've become much more minimalist and focused on that. And so there aren't that many things that I tangibly want. And if I do, they're quite specific.
So I don't know. People who have had registries, I'm curious about the process and why you did that people who listen to this, I'm just curious how you feel in general. What gifts do you like to give? What gifts do you like to receive from close friends and family? Join me on the forum. It's called Jim and Friends. The name may change, who knows, but it's Jim and Friends right now, friends. jimclyber. com and respond to this episode and let's have a conversation and talk about what's really going on. So thanks all. This went over 10 minutes. Dammit, I'm going to try to get a little better. All right, bye y'all. .
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