Transcript
Hey everyone, This is another DailyJim It is Tuesday May 24th 2022. It's the afternoon. I'm actually doing this before the sun has gone down. It feels nice to do this earlier, it's about 4:50 p.m. And today I wanted to talk about giving ourselves and especially other people their permission to stop the permission to leave.
So, you know, I was thinking about this in context of kind of personal, maybe a romantic relationship that got quite intense at times, and I'm thinking about past prior relationships as well, where it could get really intense and I think.
I didn't want to lose the person and I think they didn't want to lose me and so we would try to figure out a way to. Maintain each other in each other's lives, but almost not letting the person leave. I don't know, trying to reflect on this because I think it's not just in personal life, kind of romantic or interpersonal relationships, but also something that came up and running workshops. I remember in Germany we ran this one really intense workshop. It wasn't, I didn't lead it, but I was I was participating in actually and It's about 30, students or so and. Two or 3 of the students, they left the circle and got really angry. Um one person was saying that she was going to report the the trainer to the authorities, saying that she doesn't have the permission to do this. It was a very intense emotional psychological exercise, and she was going to report the trainer to the authorities saying that she doesn't have the permission or the certification to do this and was really angry. One of the main learnings I took away from that was just this idea of if doing an intense workshop, giving plenty of permission not just verbally, but also in terms of the structure of the workshop and the space in other ways, permission to stop, permission to exit, permission to disengage, permission to leave, permission to not participate.
And I think especially with very intense or maybe addictive experiences, it can be easy to forget to give that and if people are participating, it's easy to overlook that well, I don't want to quit because maybe I'm not supposed to quit or does that mean I'm a quitter? Are people going to judge me is, you know, but I really like this, I really enjoyed this experience, but maybe this experience isn't good for me. I know it's not good for me, but I really like it and so really pondering and reflecting more on this idea of how can I give that permission to other people. In a workshop, but also just in relationships, you know, maybe there's a behavior that I have that is too much for the other person. And it's very hard for me to change that behavior? I could try to change it if I want to, but sometimes I don't want to change it. And so if I want to have this type of experience, how do I give that person permission to leave without chasing? I think a lot of times if somebody stops or if somebody leaves in relationships that we end up chasing after them, but where are you going? But why are you leaving? No, no, come on, don't stop. Don't stop. Okay, I don't want you to stop. So therefore I will stop something else, You know, just, just so that you don't stop and just so you don't leave. And I think a lot of times when we stop those things in order to prevent someone from leaving or for them for them stopping, that we can.
Almost pretend to stop it, like we stop it, but we don't want to stop it. And so it could really, it can come back up later, let's put it that way. And so even when I think about workshops often I want to run intense workshops, but then if somebody's like, well that's too intense, then I go, okay, well then I'll make it less intense, but then I end up making it more intense because I want to make it more intense, you know? So I may be temporarily make it less intense, but then there's this desire to increase the intensity that I have, and so not always, but often and so really just how can I and how can you and how can many of us get better at, explicitly saying and explicitly designing the way we interact with people, to give them permission to stop interacting with us in that way, or to stop interacting with us at all. And to be okay with that goodness, it's easier to say than do, and even in running a workshop to say it's okay, you know, if you want to stop running a workshop and seeing two or three people disengage or even leave the room, hi can hurt. Oh it can hurt. Did I do something wrong? Is something wrong with me? Is something wrong with the workshop? But at the same time, I remember one time when a couple of people left the workshop and ran out of the room and I said to myself, okay, I gave them permission to do this. Just trust that they're doing what they need to do to take care of themselves.
Easier said than done, But maybe that's a good lesson. Okay. On that note, I'm gonna leave and talk to you soon, right.
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