Seeing that WhatsApp and Instagram are down, or at least their image services are, caused some frustration and confusion on my part. I thought it was just my fault, that my WiFi or 4G wasn’t working, so I turned them off and on and off and on again, then even turned my phone off and back on. Only then did I check Twitter to see what other people were saying, and realized that the networks, and Facebook, were down throughout the world.
On one hand, I feel a bit relieved that I can’t check photos or statuses from other people. On the other hand, I probably feel more frustrated that I can’t do exactly that. Then it makes me feel somewhat embarrassed to admit to myself how addicted I feel to these platforms. Over the years, my friends have said to me that FB and these other apps aren’t that addictive, just put your phone down and go back to life. However, for some reason, they got me good. I think it’s because I really like chatting with people. I’ve met so many people from so many places across the world, and with chat, I can maintain connection with them. I don’t know what it is, but I definitely feel quite addicted at times.
Funny, one of the main reasons I started iFeelio was to use to phone to ween myself off the social networks—I have often called it an anti-social network, or a reflective network, or a personal network. Just me and my thoughts and feelings, and then back to life. No third-party, what would I call it, justification or boosting/slashing of my ego. Just a place for me to be me, and then to get off the phone and go back to life. Maybe this newfound addiction is a result of me having an iPhone for the last 1.5 years, and not having iFeelio on it, because the code became obsolete…or I’m just trying to kid myself, because I had addictions to the phone before.
I think what really is at play is how I’m yearning for social connection and not having much in my daily life. I’m currently at home with the parents, and not going out much, and when I do, not engaging in the highly engaging discourse that I love. And so, maybe that’s why I feel compelled to open up the phone and banter with people. I love banter and sometimes it’s easy to forget that.
I want to pull back and just say that maybe my impetus for writing this is to reach out and touch more people. What I like about having my own blog, is that, even if Twitter, FB, Instagram, and WhatsApp go down, then I’m able to have a place to write, to express myself, to connect virtually with the world. And in a way, it feels more freeing, as I’m not expecting dialogue or interaction. Hell, if I’m lucky, someone will read it 🙂
Perhaps this feels like rambling to you, and it is. I yearn for more people to ramble to me and perhaps this is me leading by example. I like rambling because it shows the internal conflicts, dilemmas, and overall mess that is humanity.