Transcript
Hello everyone welcome to another daily gym. It is May 2nd 2022 about 7:45 p.m. Here in michigan and I am recording this outside of a Barnes and noble booksellers in the parking lot. If you're not familiar with Barnes and noble, it is the kind of last large bookstore chain in the US and I love coming here. You know what, I didn't know what I wanted to talk about today. Um, that a friend of mine posted, he let me know, he said, Hey, you didn't record in the last couple of days and I felt this level of, kind of slight fear of, oh no, am I going to go into my shadow again and not, be like and be like the, what do you call him? The Groundhog punks, tawny Phil that's his name comes out and if he sees a shadow we have winter. I think if he sees a shadow we have winter for a few more months weeks. I don't know american traditions. I think I know them but I don't really. Um, so I guess what I really wanted to talk about today was just how. I often don't know with this whether to talk about how I am feeling and what I'm going through personally what I'm believing during the day. Or to talk about something on a much higher level. That kind of connects to other people. And that has almost a moral of the story to it. Or some mix of the two or something else. Um I think when I originally started this, it was years back when I started this concept of daily gym. The idea was to Basically do what I call a step one And step one being me telling the truth about how I'm actually feeling. Because at the time I was doing what I call a daily five and daily 10. And these were exercises for emotional self defense which were focused more on also step two and step three which is step two is tell the other person how I imagined they might be feeling. And step three is to say one thing to connect with love. Um and so the idea was okay if I'm running these exercises to help other people reflect on how they're feeling. Maybe I could lead by example and show people how I'm feeling and what I'm thinking. Um And then I noticed these last couple of days as I've started this up again that I have maybe done that a little bit maybe to other people. It seems like I'm doing that a lot. I don't know. I just kind of a self reflection on it. Is that I I think that I have gone more into talking a little bit about how I'm feeling and then more of talking about mm hmm. We jumping from the first person pronoun. I too, may be the first person collective pronoun. We and or plural pronoun rather. And going into things that I think are relevant to other people, not necessarily what I'm feeling in the moment.
And I wonder if that's somewhat of a defense mechanism, I wonder if that's me saying, you know what? Here I am, I'm gonna start showing myself more to the world. Oh no, I'm not, wait a second, don't do that. Do you understand? It's one thing to show yourself to your friends and family through text messages and other this, but to show it on the internet i with a podcast, it's a voice that the people can hear and they can record and they can, download and they could hear over and over again and they can remix and they can do all these things. Do you really want to share that much about what's going on with you?
I don't know, I was talking with a friend about this today, it's just, I don't know why I felt so I felt tremendous fear of being too open on the internet and I think about it and you know, I guess it depends on people's ages, but for my age, I remember when blogs were coming out and live journal, a lot of blogs, web logs, if you must, as they were coming out were highly personal. They were almost like public diaries and they've seemed to change a lot now, a lot of blogs don't seemed to use the first person perspective much and it kind of frustrates me. So I'm in this weird position where I want to hear what other people are thinking and feeling I want them to open up and share exactly what's going on with them. But I can feel the fear of doing that to others. So I imagine other people want to hear what I'm actually thinking of feeling. But I'm, it's that weird paradox if I want others to tell me what's going on with them, but I don't necessarily want to share what's going on with me. Um so today I brought you a little bit more into that perspective of where I'm at right now and I'm hoping that I will share a little bit more what's going on with me um including some. Some simple things like I am outside the Barnes and noble bookstore. It may seem trivial, but I've, I've been afraid to share my location on the internet for a very long time. I remember when I went to um When, when Twitter and everything was first starting to become popular since 2009, when it took off a little bit before that, but around that time, I remember coming across this website, it was something like rob me now and the idea was that when people would post on twitter when they were out of town, this guy would just forward that and say, hey, this person is out of town, they said they're in spain with the whole family for three weeks robbed their house because this is their home location, and I think because of that, you know, and other things, I've gained a tremendous amount of fear anyways, we're coming up on six minutes. So I am going to pause this for today and I'm grateful that you are listening and would love to hear your voice. I'd love to hear you read your text. Send me a message. Let me know you got this. And would like to continue the conversation. All right, take care of y'all.
No comments yet