AJA#1 | The Jim Kleiber Show

Hello everyone, welcome to the Ask Me Anything edition segment of the podcast. This is the Jim Klyber Show, I'm Jim Klyber, and today I want to experiment with a new format. I realized I love being interviewed and I love answering questions, and more than anything I'm trying to find a way to commit to being consistent, when it comes to being public. I have been doing so with the Daily Gym episodes, and now I'm trying to figure out how do I do it in a way that, one, exposes video so people can see me. But two, is something that I'm able to do regardless of whether a guest would show up to an episode. So one of the challenges of booking guests is that people are humans, things come up, and if the guest can't arrive and I'm trying to do something, let's say, every Monday or every Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, you know, if I'm trying to do something on a very predictable schedule and people don't arrive, I have to have a backup solution. And so I thought, well, what about me doing and ask me anything? So if you're not familiar with that, it started, I believe, on Reddit. It was I am a, it was like I am a, I don't know, it's a long acronym, but it's basically like, I am a janitor, ask me anything. I am an astronaut, ask me anything. I am an American who works in Silicon Valley, ask me anything. And so it was often based on a specific type of person. And then people would just come in and ask lots of questions and that person would answer. And so the idea here is very similar. Ask me whatever you want to ask. In this episode, I have a few questions from, friends that trickled in, and I hope over time it will grow with more questions from other people. I've filled in the gap, so there are 10 questions that I'm going to try to answer. I'm going to try to answer them in about two and a half minutes each. Perhaps it's too long, perhaps it's too short, perhaps it's too many questions. I don't know. It's an experiment, so we're going to try to figure this out together, and we'll see if I last without taking a sip of water because I forgot to grab water. So we got 20 seconds left before I go into the first question. So yeah, just sit back, relax. Hopefully afterwards I'll chop it up and we'll be able to put these on social media so people can see shorter versions of, talking and hopefully get more guests in the near future. So here we go. First question. So this, oops, let me reset the clock. Start the clock. 2.30. Okay. Question number one out of 10. How are you taking care of yourself and prioritizing gym? If you're not, why not? If you are able, what can you start with? Question from Pavel.

How am I taking care of myself and prioritizing me I think my initial reaction to this is that maybe I'm not and I think this is what other people have said to me they say you need to take care of yourself more you need to prioritize yourself more and I don't do a conversation with somebody else the other day about that and I thought I think I do mostly just not prioritizing myself financially, prioritizing a lot of other aspects of my life. But then if I pause, I go, but am I really, is my health in really good shape? Do I feel really strong? Do I feel really well-nourished? Do I feel, you know, am I eating well? I'm sleeping well, et cetera, et cetera.

I think what I have been doing is prioritizing future me over current me.

I don't know if that makes sense. So when I think about it, some people will say that I'm not prioritizing myself. At the same time, they'll tell me to get a job and I say no. And then they say I'm selfish. So there's this like weird conundrum of people thinking I'm not prioritizing myself, but then almost saying I'm prioritizing myself too much. And I think I have tried very hard to prioritize my future. And what I mean by that is prioritize the type of work that I want to do, prioritize feeling excited and alive and motivated, prioritizing the relationship I want have in the future, not so much how it currently is.

And I think it's an ebb and flow. I think maybe I could prioritize the present moment a little more. But for example, like I'm trying very hard to figure out how can I do work across multiple countries, multiple continents, because I have many friends in these places. And I know myself, I tend to be a bit of wanderlust and I want to move and go different places. So I have been prioritizing how to figure that out. So maybe I can shift back and prioritize a little more of the present, but I think I have been prioritizing just more towards the future. Not sure if that answers the question, but perhaps that was too short. Moving on, question two of 10. I'm not really good at expressing my emotions and feelings to people. How can I get over it? Manka.

First, I don't think it's a getting over it. I don't think we have to get over this. I think it's more of a skill set. I think it's more of an incremental, gradual thing that we could get better at. I don't know if we ever get over it. Get over has this implication of being 100% completely done. This binary yes, no, true, false, over it, not over it.

But if we look at it that way, I think life, are we really ever over anything? I mean, we have to be 100% over it to be done. So what I would say is, one, just don't think of it as something that you're ever going to get over. It's something that you might improve at or get worse at. It's a skill. It's a situation that we're often in, a combination of those two things. Secondly, I would say it can be really hard to get better at this skill if we are interacting with people who are not good at the skill. I'm not saying you should stop interacting with them, but be aware that when you interact with people that don't open up and share how they're feeling. When you do, they might get angry and they may tell you to stop doing so, or they may run away from you because they feel really uncomfortable. And so if you really want to get better at this stuff, One, it's easier around people who are already good at it. But two, I don't think we can only hang out with people who are better at it than us, because one, that makes us uncomfortable. But two, we just have other humans in our lives. And so just to be aware that it may be uncomfortable for other people as you're learning this and practicing it, and that's okay. Again, it's not about getting over it. It's about improving, getting a little bit better day by day, feeling more confident, feeling more strength, more endurance to last through some of the harder conversations and some of the tougher feelings. I can give more advice on where to practice, how to practice, but I think most of it is just, it's more of that mindset of it's practice and it's going to be hard and it's not a steady climb. It's, you know, go like this. So don't be so hard on yourself, I guess.

Next question, question number three what do you think the world needs the most now from a leader Caleb.

A leader to show that there's a third way to resolve conflict. So I think often when we think of fighting, we think of somebody who runs away from the fight or we think of somebody who escalates the fight. The runaway is the one that doesn't want to get into any controversial or heavy conversation. And the one that escalates it is the one that does name calling and shouts at people and says they're stupid and gets punched and punches back 10 times harder, if you're familiar with that phrase that Trump had used before. And I think the person who escalates the fight tends to have more capacity or endurance to deal with the fight because the one who runs away just runs away. And so I think we have a tendency to look at the person who escalates it and says, that's the person we want because they're being active. At least they're doing something. But I think it's because we don't believe or even see that there's a way to be above that. That there can be people who fight even harder and who have more capacity to stay in the fight. And I think these are the ones who resolve the conflict. So if you think about it, you think about Martin Luther King Jr., you think about Mandela, you think about Gandhi, you think about some of these leaders, and they were strong.

They were so strong, but also very loving. And so I think once you get to that level of strength, once you get to that level of endurance, then love is the way through. Love is not soft, especially that type of love. It's not soft. And I think we just don't have many examples of this. And so people turn to the ones that look more courageous, the ones who are at least punching people in the face. They're more courageous than the ones who are running away. But the ones who are even more courageous are the ones who take the punches and still love and still want to hug the other person and give the other person a shoulder to cry on.

That's the type of leader I want to see right now. Oh, I answered that one just in time. So we're going to start going to the next question. A couple of questions from Caleb, this is another one. Once you secure the right level of funding, what do you expect to be doing five years from now? So I thought about this question before joining the recording a little bit, and I don't know. I really don't know. And I think people, especially here in the U.S., what is your plan? Well, you know, you need to put out your business plan. The analogy that came to my mind is almost like giving somebody a brand new iPhone, a brand new smartphone, and saying, well, what are you going to do with it? What are you going to make happen with this phone? Why do you need this phone? And perhaps the person is like, well, I need the phone so that I could send emails. But then they get the phone and they realize the phone is so powerful. It is a tool that is so capable of doing so many things that they don't know. A lot of the results will come through experimentation, through play, through discovering what the tool is able to do and how the tool can be an extension of who I am and what I want. And I think money is an even more powerful tool than a smartphone. And so I don't know what I expect to be doing in five years from now. I think one thing I expect to be doing five years from now is podcasting. Is still training in emotional combat or whatever the iteration of that is. Training myself how to be more open and loving and resolve intense conflicts. And two, still communicating, probably through a podcast or video or something like this, with other people. The minimum that I can think I can commit to and I want to do day in and day out, probably for a very long time. Beyond that, amplifying this work, I don't know which direction I'll go. I've been working for 13 years intentionally on emotions, communication, conflict resolution.

And I'm still fascinated by it. So I don't think I'll stop working on that five years from now. It's like, amplify the message. If I had a lot of money, man, put up billboards, create different, maybe not create different organizations, but initiatives, try to challenge the way that we give and receive money to make it much more unconditional. There are lots of things, but that's the end of that question. I'll go to the next one, which is kind of related, so.

Question 5 of 10. If money were no object, what would you choose to do first?

Okay, when I first read this question earlier, I said, breathe. Hey. And I think the second answer was exhale. So what would I do first? It's like this big exhale. Whew, money's no object. Oh my gosh, the pressure that I've been feeling for months and years might just disappear and I can just relax for a little bit and regain some strength. Oh my gosh, that would be glorious. But if money truly were no object, it's similar to the last question. I don't think I know. And to give definite answers, I think maybe is a hedge against trusting myself when the moment comes. If somebody, you know, if I were to win the lottery or you were to win the lottery and receive billions of dollars, would you trust yourself with that money? Do you think you would just go spend it on something frivolous or only take care of yourself and a few other people? Or do you think you would use it to try to empower society or, yeah, really for a public good?

I believe so much of what I've been doing has been for the public good. Yeah, I take care of myself. I take care of the people I love and that are in my close relationships. But man, the first thing I do, breathe. The second thing I do, probably smile. The third thing I do, probably start playing, start experimenting, start trying new things. What are some new things I would try? One, I would try, again, that's the idea of like changing how we deal with money from more, from where it's currently more conditional, to make it more unconditional.

So having organizations that were all volunteer organizations, but where people got paid through some other means, or like basically having a means that would pay people so that people could go volunteer wherever they wanted to.

What else would I do? Probably rebuild Iphilio and have money so that somebody can maintain it if they need, because it's going to need maintenance. I'd probably experiment a lot with AI. I might experiment a lot with many different things. I think it would just be experimentation, the freedom to experiment.

Yeah, so those are the questions from my guests or my friends. So, you know, if you would like to, please submit your own questions. Now I'm gonna jump into questions that I've given myself just cause I wanna fill up the 10 questions. Question six out of 10, Pope Francis passed away today. What did he mean to you?

He seemed like one of the most famous and loving people alive.

He almost gave me the impression that he was like a Martin Luther King or a Gandhi or a Mandala. But he was still alive. And not just alive, but in a position where so much was expected of him to behave in a specific way.

How the church expects popes to behave or has expected. How people outside of the church expect the Catholic church to behave. And he kind of just stood up for what he believed.

Especially as it came to love and taking care of other humans outside of Christianity but within Christianity as well, and I'm not I didn't grow up with a Christian religion I didn't grow up Catholic, I have friends who have been in both of those spaces and.

He's just he was one person that gave me a lot of hope so I feel sad kind of angry at myself for not pushing a podcast, pushing myself to get to a high level so that I could have met the man. He's someone I really, really wanted to meet. Not just meet, but actually talk with. He seemed not only loving, but intelligent and funny and strong, really strong, to push back against some of the things that he pushed back, You have to stand up for love in places where if you love the enemy, you're demonized. So I saw some people almost grateful that he passed or talked about how much hatred he had in his heart. And I'm like, really? Maybe people just hated him because he loved the people that they hated. So, sad, really sad.

Next question.

7 of 10, you posted yesterday about Trump wanting to close the State Department in Africa and it infuriating you. Why?

Oh.

I have not only worked with emotions, but I have worked with globalization, intercultural communication, bringing people from different nations together since at least 2006. 2005, arguably, I went to study abroad, and then I worked in the study abroad office. Then I had international students I hung out with. I was an English-language partner for Korean students on campus who didn't speak English.

I joined ISEC, which was an organization that started after World War II to unite countries, unite young leaders so we don't have World War III.

And did multiple study abroad, lived in Tanzania through ISAC, doing economic development, like aid development work.

Have done different trainings in Germany and across Europe and conflict resolution. Emotional self-defense, just helping people deal with globalization, helping myself deal with it. And just to hear our leader almost haphazardly say, we're going to close embassies and pull out of a continent, it, one, scares the hell out of me because this is how wars start. And two, it infuriates me because of how stupid it is. And I don't think he's a stupid person. I'm not, it just, it makes me so angry because it's so short-sighted or it's so filled with vengeance and apathy. I don't even know. It's like, we're still going to need to interact with Africa. And if we pull out from Africa, we're still going to interact, but it'll be much more violent. I personally care because one, I've been to Africa a lot. Two, I have a lot of friends in Africa. Three, I'm dating a woman from Africa. It's hard enough for people in Africa to come to the U.S. now. It may be impossible if there's no embassy. How do you get a visa if there's no embassy? How am I able to go there? How can I go to Africa and these countries if there's no embassy? What happens if I lose my passport? I can't fly to another country to get another passport. How does it work? Do people really think these things through? Or are people like, I just don't understand what is happening at the top of the government. It's just that people.

I'm unwilling to let a handful of people who are running the government and destroy global relations.

I'm furious again. I can talk much more about that. I'm going to go to the next question for now. Question 8 out of 10. What has been one of the hardest things for you to learn over the last year? I think this even relates to Trump.

Endurance, I would say. The endurance to stay in relationship with people who are not at the level of skill that I wish they were, especially as it relates to communication, especially as it relates to resolving conflicts.

I think in the past if people weren't there at my level I would say my level then I would have a tendency to just say I would focus so hard on them getting to that ideal state and if they weren't there immediately I'd be done, and it would cause so much desire for me to run to find someone who gets me to find whether this is romance or family or work relationships or political relationships.

And I have been learning so hard how to, again, the endurance, but to focus on not the ideal state of where I want someone to be, but the progress and whether they are moving in that direction. And for myself, too, to not go, oh, I don't have the money that I want to have. I don't have the fame that I don't have. I don't have a lot of things that I want to have. Or I could say, man, look how far I've come.

You know, instead of looking at the journey up ahead, looking back and going, wow, I've really climbed pretty far up this mountain. It may not seem like it, but I have. And I think it's maybe learning to do that comparison in the other direction. I talked about this years ago. But instead of just comparing up it's also comparing down and comparing on the progress, and I think that when I think about someone like Trump it's that is Trump going to get to the level where I am maybe I hope so do I expect him to get there tomorrow I think I sometimes expect it but It's not realistic. It's not going to happen. But can he make progress? Can they say, okay, maybe we shouldn't put all these tariffs. Maybe we shouldn't do this. If I pay attention to the progress and how people are constantly changing, then I think I feel better. And I think it makes others feel better as well. So next question.

Okay, I'm not super sticking on the time limits.

You still seem to be full of hope when so many others seem to have lost it What helps you stay hopeful?

I don't know. Let me say what helps me stay hopeful.

Sometimes what helps me stay hopeful is realizing that if I stop being hopeful, I might drag down a lot of people.

Young cousin of mine, I think, got an award from the Optimist Club the other day. And it reminded me how I think I got an award from the Optimist Club when I was in maybe fifth grade when I was 10 years old or something. And I still don't even know what the Optimist Club does, but it was, ooh, I got an award from the Optimist Club. I must be optimistic.

And I think there are a lot of people in my life who look to me to be the hopeful one, whether they say it or not.

I start to recognize that when I'm not in that hopeful mood, or when I at least don't have that hopeful outlook, it doesn't have to be a mood all the time, but people really get worried.

And the belief I've had recently is like, if I give up, man. Imagine if people would look at me and they're like, if he gave up, man, if he gives up, how am I supposed to keep fighting?

And so in some way I think about, again, the MLKs and the Gandhis and how, and Mandelas and how they would be almost the last person ever to give up. That no matter the situation, they'd be hopeful.

Oh, tears go in my eyes, because I'm probably just thinking about how, you know, my mom passed away a couple years ago and how I was dealing with that with my family and how to the end I was still looking for solutions and trying to help, I don't know.

And then when people get into fights and conflicts in my life, how I tend to be the one that, most quickly gets back to forgiveness and hope.

And trying to find solutions and ways to work it out.

Yeah, I don't... I just try damn hard because I think I realize if I don't, who will?

It sounds a rather hopeless statement, but.

Okay, last question. How do you feel right now? Oh.

Happy, excited, curious, alive, energized, and happy. Excited how vibrant my face looks. I just looked at the camera, the screen for the first time. Wow, he looks alive.

I'm really glad that this got to a place where I felt the depth that I did thinking about my mom's passing and hope.

It's been a magical journey. I really like this. I don't know if I can do it every day. It might be really hard.

But...

I feel warm.

More reflective than I have in a long time. This feels like a really intimate exploration when it's not live-streamed, when it's just me talking into the camera with pre-recorded, pre-determined questions, some that I haven't even thought about too much, just wrote them down.

It, uh... Okay, a little worried that this may be way too intimate, way too personal that I can end up saying a lot of things and later I go, oh, I'm not supposed to say that in public.

Okay, a little worried that the software didn't record well. I'm not sure. Funny enough, there's 50 seconds left in this one. I'm like, oh, okay, can the question end already?

Yeah, I was very excited for the questions. I didn't even notice that the questions were ending. The time was ending here. I'm like, ah, oh, it's kind of dragging out. But, um...

Grateful that I'm experimenting, proud that I'm experimenting, scared that I still don't have any money, but confident that it's going to come in. And I think this format can work really well for me and for the people listening.

So just really grateful if you listen to this episode or you listen to these short clips. I'm super grateful and super excited to hear more questions from you so now we're going to go into the reflection at the end and then I will grab some water after I finish closing reflection, what did I learn in this session specifically?

That I can do, a lot of the workshop facilitation that I used to do and I can do it on recorded video, I can put a structure, I can put a timer I can put exercises and reflection and I can do things that I think I do very well in the workshop setting, in the training setting, and I can do them with myself I can probably do them with guests maybe I can even run emotional combat workshops online like this, recorded so that it can be scaled, I think the nice thing about video is that it scales even more than the written word.

A lot of people don't read that well. A lot of people don't like reading.

A lot of people don't listen to just audio.

A lot of people want to see a face. Sometimes I want to hide my face. I don't like having to come up with good lighting and backgrounds and all this stuff.

But.

What did I learn in this session, For some questions, two and a half minutes is a really short amount of time. For some questions, two and a half minutes is a really long time.

That I don't know how this is going to play out on social media. I don't know if it's going to feel long, if it's going to feel short.

What I learn in this session.

That, you know, I said, I'm not sure if I take care of myself and prioritize myself in the present, but I do. I'm trying to find things that I love doing. The fact that I'm so excited to talk into a computer by myself in a kitchen, and then post it and see how it's going to react, I think that also gives me hope, but it also reassures me that I do take care of myself more than it may seem. And I'm fighting so damn hard to have the life that I want to have and to impact so many other lives so that's the end of the session 31 minutes, a little over because my timing didn't work very well but that should work thank you so much for listening if you did and if not, please listen please ask questions, send them to me directly or we'll figure out a way. Go to jimklyber.com and learn more there. Thank you all. Check out The Jim Klyber Show. Thanks, bye. Bye, everyone.